Buffy and I wish to respond and clarify our position and knowledge of the events of this summer surrounding the Uncles' Party, Lil Wes, and Tom.
On Memorial Day weekend Mom had all of our families and Susan over for the whole day into the evening. During this day our conversations involved various subjects, including politics, homosexuality, abortion and our Biblical stances on these issues. Susan was very interested in our beliefs regarding homosexuality and several hours of discussion followed. Later on towards the evening we were outside sitting in our lawn chairs when Susan made the remark that "after the Uncles' Party, Dan, her, Wes and Tom" had plans to go somewhere. The only person who heard this statement was Buffy. This is the only remark that Susan ever made about Tom even coming to Oregon, let alone the Uncles' Party. Buffy was not sure if she heard or understood correctly Susan's statement and came into the kitchen and asked me if I knew if Tom was coming to the Uncles' Party. I said no and asked if Mom knew. Neither of us were sure and even then Buffy expressed confusion as to whether or not she heard this correctly (meaning if Tom were coming to the Uncles’ Party).
The following day Buffy called Susan to ask about her statement and if her understood that Tom was coming to the Uncles' Party or just to Oregon. Susan said yes and Buffy stated that she needed to call Mom as she believed Mom would want to know. Buffy called Mom and relayed this information to her. During Buffy's conversation to Mom, Buffy stated that it seemed to be a "slip of the tongue". From our conversations throughout the day and knowing full well of our beliefs regarding homosexuality it would seem that Susan should and could have been extremely direct and up front regarding Tom being invited to the party. It would have been more appropriate and certainly clearer if Susan would have simply stated that Lil Wes was bringing Tom to the Uncles' Party.
This is our understanding of the sequence of events. We will not comment on them directly as we were not involved directly.
1. Mom called Susan stating objection to Tom coming to the party.
2. Mom called her sisters and brothers, and DeeAnne and Harry, to let them know of Tom. (All aunts and uncles agreed Tom should not come to the Uncles' Party.)
3. Mom called Lil Wes and told him that he was invited but stated that Tom was not invited to the Uncles' Party.
4. Mom and Dad went on vacation.
5. Susan let us know that the Uncles' Party was going to be held at their house. We both state that we would not be bringing our children but we ourselves might come.
6. Letter from Lil Wes was sent to aunts and uncles asking them to reconsider (6-5-95 letter).
7. Uncle Swede, Susan and Aunt Charlene went to Astoria.
8. Mom and Dad return from vacation. Mom responds (6-29-95) to Lil Wes' letter (copies of this letter sent to same people that Lil Wes sent his 6/5 letter).
9. Susan reacts to Mom's letter **
** Since this involves us we will respond. Susan called Buffy and I upset over Mom's statement in her 6/29 letter "I believe I now understand why" referring to the reason Dan and Susan decided to do the party. She asked us if we felt the same way. We both responded no and told her if she was upset over this remark that the person to talk to was Mom. Susan said she was planning to.10. Buffy calls Mom and asks if Susan has called her. Mom responds no. Buffy explains Susan's phone call and that she was upset and that Mom probably should call her. Mom stated she would "wait a few days to call and let Susan calm down".
11. Susan calls Mom. (Each hold a different opinion about the phone call.)
12. Mom calls Uncle Swede about Susan's phone call.
13. 7/12 Lil Wes sends letter to all relatives (26 sets) including all previous correspondence with Mom (did not include his two Christmas letter updates of which Mom's correspondence addressed**
** This letter states "Betty does not let her children attend AIDS education classes because she doesn't want them to know that homosexuals exist." I wish to state that I never said this nor did my mother of whom this was attributed to as saying to Lil Wes. My position regarding my children is to teach them Biblical truth when it comes to sex. (Sex was designed by God and was to be practiced between a man and his wife in the realms of marriage as stated in Genesis 2:21-25.) I believe that my first and second grader are too young to understand and comprehend sexual intercourse beyond an act, let alone, homosexuality. I feel that some of the AIDS curriculum (I serve on our districts’ committee) is too advanced and not age -appropriate for my children and that some of it directly contradicts Biblical teaching. It is Bill's and my position to opt not having Bo and Bethany in class during these discussions. My children are too young to be at risk sexually and have been taught and will be continued to be taught health and safety issues that are age appropriate.14. Susan sends 8/3 letter to all the relatives. Party is called off and letter states of their plans to go to Astoria.** We felt letter was full of mistakes and was insulting towards Mom. We make arrangements to meet with Susan.
15. Buffy and I meet with Susan at Dairy Queen.**
** This is our recollection of this meeting: Our meeting was held to discuss the contents of her letter and the events leading up to this meeting. We expressed that we felt her letter of accusations towards Mom was unfounded. Mom never told anyone that they couldn't attend their party, nor did she attack anyone for changing their minds. We explained that what did bother Mom was that after they all agreed originally that Tom should not come to the Uncles' Party and then changed their stands that they should have called Mom and told her so. Mom heard of their decisions indirectly. Even then Mom felt it was each individuals decision, including ours. However, once Susan's inflammatory letter regarding Mom was sent out, Mom's feelings were hurt as her siblings should have then come forward to state of their original agreement and not leave Mom alone to receive the negative backlash. We told Susan that we would not come to visit Lil Wes and Tom as we felt our Mother deserved our loyalty and support. Mom at no point ever threatened or told us not to go and visit them. This was our decision. We also told her we were in agreement that Mom's statement that Susan found offensive should not have been in the letter. However, we tried to explain that this statement did not originally come from Mom, nor did Mom mean it vindictively. She was simply stating how the situation appeared to her because of the way Susan casually mentioned their plans after the Uncles' Party and because no other "Uncles" were ever contacted to help with the Uncles' Party. We also discussed her personal letter to Mom and told her it was wrong to write such a letter as it was extremely derogatory and filled with anger. Susan did not see it that way but would have to re-evaluate some of her statements. We discussed where we wanted to go as far as our relationships were concerned and what bearing this situation would have on it. Buffy and I both stated that at this time we wanted to let things calm down, that we would not be pursuing contact with her at this time as we felt our loyalties were to our mother. We told her that we felt that there were apologies that needed to be made and that we couldn't force anyone to make those amends. However we did state that when making amends that I Corinthians 13 was a good guideline. Also that when making amends, self-justification for one's actions and pride needed to be set aside as an apology was not to "set the record straight" but rather an admission of what the person making the apology had done wrong.16. Cybill called Betty and invited her, Buffy, Jethro and Butch and their spouses and children to come to Sisser's house for a get-together where Tom and Lil Wes would be. We declined. (This was a very friendly conversation.)
17. Lil Wes arrives at Susan's house. Betty called and asked if Lil Wes would be willing to meet for lunch one day without Tom. Lil Wes declined. "That wouldn’t be any fun."
18. Dan calls and invites Buffy and I to Susan's birthday party. We did not go.
19. Susan's letter dated 9/4 (postmarked 9/21) was received.
20. Susan calls Betty. Says that Mom returned Lil Wes' "letter of apology" unopened back to Lil Wes. Stated that Wesley really wanted Mom to receive this and said that they wanted to send it to Reverend Lovejoy and have him give it to her. I stated that this was not a good idea as I was sure it would "piss my mom off." I suggested to her that if Lil Wes was intent on sending the letter that he could send it to either Buffy or I. I told her that it would be best if they would allow some time to pass so things could calm down, that all of these letters were stirring things up. I told her I would talk with Buffy and see what she thought and would call her back. (I didn't call her back because I just wanted some time to go by so things would calm down.)
21. Lil Wes sends his letter dated 9-26-95 to Reverend Lovejoy. Included in packet was cover letter, unopened returned letter, and all of the other correspondence. Reverend Lovejoy calls Mom and we go with her to pick it up.**
** Letter to Reverend Lovejoy stated that "Priscilla's two daughters appear afraid to speak to my sister Susan..." This is an unfounded and untrue statement which Buffy and I categorically deny. This assumption is not based upon first-hand knowledge since Lil Wes isn't here to witness our relationship with our mother. His assumption is second hand and obviously based on statements made by someone other than Buffy or myself. Whoever has made this assumption has done so falsely and has passed this false information on. This is a good example of what has happened through out this whole ordeal.22. Susan calls Betty and tells her that she inadvertently told Uncle Swede that I knew about the letter to Reverend Lovejoy. I clarified to her that I knew of their idea to send it but never gave my approval to send it, in fact I restated that I had told her that it would probably piss my mom off and to send it to either Buffy or I and that I would call. I never called her back. Susan stated that she had called and left a message on my answering machine that said that if she didn't hear from me they would go ahead and send the letter to Reverend Lovejoy. I told her I never received that message and that just because they didn't hear from me did not mean I had changed my position nor did they need my approval or disapproval for their decision. I told her that I was not responsible for their choice in mailing the letter to Reverend Lovejoy.
23. Susan calls me back a couple of days later and asks for clarification as to what I had stated as far as my knowledge of the letter to Reverend Lovejoy. I restated the same things as above in #22. I reiterated that I never gave my approval for Lil Wes to send it to Reverend Lovejoy.
Though I, (Betty) have typed this letter, it is in Buffy's presence and with her total knowledge and input. We both believe to the best of our ability that these are the events as they happened. We have tried to cover all happenings factually but if anything we've stated raises a question and/or needs clarification we would be happy to discuss it. We hope and pray that this will resolve and end any further erosion in the family. We believe that anyone who has done anything that has been malicious or false towards another member of the family has the responsibility to go to that person and handle it one on one. This is not an accusation to anyone but a plea for self-evaluation. We are responsible only for ourselves before the Lord. It is unfair to cause strife and involve others unwillingly and often results in misinformation.
Betty
Buffy
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