From the two weeks March 19 - April 2, 1997:

• Yes, once again Wes will be taking a week off from updating the Cool Site. His mom's 60th birthday is the 25th, and he's just been so darn busy.
• The Cool Site is largely devoted to fighting homophobia by presenting a living, breathing example of it in The Letter Wars. Today (3/18) we received the following disturbing piece of e-mail from our e-pal Don K. Read it and then please take the easy action noted at the bottom:

  An unusual joint letter was released to the media today from the Family Research Council, Concerned Women for America, American Family Association and Coral Ridge Ministries. Radical right leader Beverly LaHaye also went on Christian "talk radio" today to blast American Airlines because "American's sponsorship of homosexual 'pride' events constitutes an open endorsement of promiscuous homosexuality." She and the others have written Bob Crandall at American to complain that the airline has "gone beyond mere tolerance" for gays and lesbians. [The full article appears in today's Fort Worth Star-Telegram, and possibly picked up by other newspapers around the country.]

  American Airlines is in truth a major sponsor to and supporter of groups like GLAAD, the Human Rights Campaign, the Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund, AIDS Action Foundation, DIFFA, AmFAR, and scores of community-based groups representing gays and lesbians. It is also the first airline to adopt a written non-discrimination policy covering sexual orientation in its employment practices, and it is well represented by the leadership of its gay and lesbian employee group, GLEAM. For these pioneering efforts, and its marketing and sales outreach to the gay and lesbian traveler, American has become the next bulls'eye for hard-hitting, anti-gay corporate attacks.

  THE RESULT: American's switchboard and e-mails are being bombarded now by homophobic and hateful callers who have been urged by LaHaye and others to demand the company terminate its gay-friendly policies.

  THE NEED: We need to send our messages of support and encouragement. Spontaneous, individual messages from concerned individuals are valuable and essential to management. If you especially are a frequent flyer on American, or have recently used American as your carrier, make a note. That is important to counter-act the impression that we are silent and unconcerned when the vicious attacks are unleashed.

  THE MEANS: E-Mail to this address: Webmaster@amrcorp.com [I got e-mail from an AOL user that this mailto: hyperlink doesn't work in the AOL browser. For AOL users, please use the Compose Mail feature and type in "Webmaster@amrcorp.com" as the recipient.] or call personally to the American switchboard in Dallas at 817-963-1234, then hit "0" and request the operator to send your caller comment to their executive offices. You should be able to reach an individual to whom you may register your views.

• We changed the name of the Links to Us page to be the e-Pals page. (The URL remains the same.) Something sounded just a little too highfalutin about the old name...
• New layouts! Take a look at the new looks on the e-Pals and Things From Wes' Mind sections.
• Wes has immortalized his fictional address to Congress with its own page, What Wes would say to Congress.
• Last week it was Tom's turn, this week it's Wes'. Yes, we just keep rolling out those new T-count and viral load results. Check 'em out in our T-cells, viral loads & drug decisions section. (Quick take: With the change of drugs [Crixivan -> Viramune/nevaripine] his viral load stayed undetectible, though the T-cells drifted down a bit (437 -> 350). That latter part is okay with him considering how much easier this regimin is.)
• Our good friend Kim has both revamped and moved her Kim's Marrow Links and Other Fun Stuff site. She is such a sweetie. Check it out.
• We got a question about the seminar we went to last week, the one about "issues to consider when contemplating returning to work after being on long-term disability." It's an important issue, so we're including Wes' answer here for you as well. (The usual this-isn't-legal-advice disclaimers apply.)
  Here are the section headings from the handout given at the meeting:
  • I) What is your current and anticipated medical status?
    II) What is your current employment status?
    a) Employed and on some type of short term leave of absence.
    b) Not employed but receiving some type of disability income.
    c) Not employed and not receiving any type of disability income.
    III) Common reasonable accommodations for people with HIV.
    

  Wes' major interpretations of what he heard:
  

  1. Health is, of course, the determining issue for being on disability. But if one's health is such that it might be possible to return to work, here are some issues to consider:
  2. (Side note: A new federal law making pre-existing condition clauses uniform goes into effect sometime this summer. There will be a seminar on "Understanding the new insurance laws" on April 25, so I'll know more about that topic later.)
  3. Social Security is still backlogged a couple of years in doing re-evaluations of people on disability. But they are staffing up, so expect cases to be re-reviewed in a couple-few years. If you feel you probably will be able to go back to work in the future, now might be a good time to get extra schooling or whatever else you need to re-enter the work market.
  4. It is more difficult to go onto disability now with HIV than it was a few years back. Essentially, having a CD4 count <200 (with no opportunistic infection) does not qualify any more. if you are undecided, do not return to work on a trial basis for a only few months, as working a few months may make it difficult to say you can't work. you do not have the right to "decide" you can't work anymore it is a medical decision. getting back on disability may take a specific event like getting an o.i. for you to qualify.
  5. Just because your doctor says you are disabled does not mean that Social Security or a private insurer has to agree with that assessment.
  6. If you have insurance from your previous employer (long-term disability benefits, medical benefits, and/or prescription coverage), going back to work terminates your previous benefits. If your new employer does not have similar benefits, you've just screwed yourself if you have to again stop working. But if the new employer does have comparable benefits, your risk is low as long as you do not fall under the company's pre-existing conditions clauses. (As noted before, pre-existing conditions clauses become uniform sometime this summer. More on that when I know more myself.)
  7. If you have private long-term disability insurance (insurance that you paid for and that is not related to your previous employer), returning to work does not impact that coverage. The private LTD policy will not pay while you are working, but it will resume if you must stop working. There may or may not be another elimination period (the 60, 90 etc. days before benefits kick in), depending on the policy.
  8. Combine the two bullets above and you arrive at this simple formula: If you have private benefits, it is less risky to try going back to work. If you have benefits from a previous employer, it is more risky.
  9. Then there was a whole section on whether to disclose one's status in order to claim a "reasonable accommodation."
• Houston was in the national news Wednesday the 12th because it flooded! Luckily our area wasn't affected, but it was pretty amazing.
• And for posterity, Wes & Tom's Cool Site! passed 9,700 hits on March 18.

From the week March 11 - 18, 1997:

• Sorry the update is a few days late. You can see below how busy things have been...
• We found out after-the-fact that our friend Joel Langanke died, so he's now on our Friends and acquaintances of Wes' who have died page. We also read that Tom Stoddard died February 12, so he's been added, too.
• Our friend Ray Davis died Saturday, March 8. He died alone. Alternate reports put it as an accident and a suicide.
• Tom has new T-count and viral load results. Check 'em out in our T-cells, viral loads & drug decisions section.
• PC Magazine recently reviewed search engines and awarded three Editor's Choice awards: Yahoo! was already on our Search Page, so we added the other two winners, HotBot and Excite. (You can find us in all three!)
• We went to a seminar on issues to consider when contemplating returning to work after being on long-term disability. (There's a growing probability we may live through this. Better plan now.)
• We took our cat, China, in for her annual checkup. She was quite pleased. Yes, she's slimmed down 1/10th of a pound. Svelte girl!
• Lots of new links:
  • David's Home Page is handy for a couple big reasons:
    He runs the the GLBT Youth Resource Directory. He also includes David's Legislative Guide, showing budding & veteran activists how to track state & federal legislation online. His site is now on our Gay Links page.
  • Jim & Karl's Home Page is a very personal site by a couple who live in Atlanta. Really a pleasure to kind of mosey through. It's new on our Links to Us page.
  • We got e-mail from someone in Taiwan asking for safer sex information. What a huge oversight for our AIDS links! So, we've added The Safer Sex Page to our AIDS Links page. If nothing else, make sure you see its Safer Sex Guide page.
  • QueerNet, which provides dozens of mailing lists for the gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered communities, is now on our Gay Links page. (Note: Many of the lists are adult-oriented, so discretion may be advised.)
  • We've had S.HALL's HIV/AIDS Page-Links on our AIDS Links page for quite some time. (It really is an amazing resource if you haven't seen it yet. He's categorized tons of AIDS-related links to make it easy to find information.) Now the Cool Site is in S.HALL's "AIDS related personal pages" section, so his site has been added to our Links to Us page as well.
• Lots of links changes:
  • Out magazine closed its Web site, so it's been pulled off our Gay Links page. Similarly, the handsome photo album by David & Jasey seems to have disappeared, so it was also taken off.
  • FYI, Rainbow Resources has an updated URL as reflected on our Links to Us page.
  • The Advocate has long been on our Gay Links page, but we wanted to let everyone know they've significantly reworked their Internet site.
  • Similarly, the Rad Zone started as a one-page site in January, but has grown to a tidy collection of AIDS-related links and original poetry. It's run by Robbie, who is also the co-founder of the HIV/AIDS Chat Page. (The other co-founder is a Clinical Nurse Specialist.)
• Also, we spent a nice Saturday evening visiting with Wes' friend Jay. Jay was co-chair of the University Gay Student Organization (which has since changed its name many times) along with Wes at the University of Texas in the early '80s.
• And for posterity, Wes & Tom's Cool Site! passed 9,300 hits on March 9.

From the week February 23 - March 2 - 9, 1997:

• We're now part of the PLWA (People Living With AIDS) Ring. Related, we've migrated our AIDS stuff to a new T-cells, viral loads & drug decisions section.
• This past week was pretty full for Wes:
  1. He went back to entertain his sister Genevieve some more during her post-retinal-surgery recuperation period. She's doing pretty well, with her visual acuity starting to come back in that left eye.
  2. Wes turned 34 on March 1!
  3. He had his bloodwork drawn 2/28 to see if he can remain on Viramune (nevirapine). (After having been on it for a month, we're testing to make sure his viral load stays undetectible.)
• We still have some wonderful new links to put up, but we're again going to save them for next week because we're just pooped: We ran out AOL of server space (again) and spent quite a lot of time migrating the nose section (which has those space-hogging nose pictures) to a server on Netcom.
• And for posterity, Wes & Tom's Cool Site! passed 9,000 hits on March 3.

From the week February 23 - March 2, 1997:

• What's new? On Saturday, March 1, Wes will turn 34! (For those who keep track of holidays and such, March 1 is also National Pig Day.)
• In preparation for the birthday, it was time for Wes to get his driver's license renewed in person for the first time in eight years. (Four years ago he was able to renew by mail.) My how things have changed: Texas now fingerprints you and requires proof of your Social Security number in order to renew your license. Hello Big Brother. (The Social Security number is being collected as part of a system to help track down people behind in their child support.)
• Wes is headed back to entertain his sister Genevieve during her post-retinal-surgery recuperation period. (His last visit was cut short by Mr. Nose.)
• We have some wonderful new links to put up, but we're going to save them for next week. We were presented with an interesting question by a student working on a paper. She posed a question to Wes: "Let's suppose that you are giving a speech to the Congress, and you had their undivided attention. What would you tell them? What would your speech be about?" Following is how he responded:

I am here today to remind you of why our government was founded.

Our Founding Fathers, in the Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1776, wrote:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed…"

Our forefathers set up this government to secure life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for its citizens -- all of whom would be treated equally. That is the purpose of this government.

Our government is not fulfilling its purpose. You, as our representatives, have failed in your responsibility to us. It is time to correct that.

My mother does not have "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." Right now she is crippled with Multiple Sclerosis, barely able to function. What would change that? A medicine that costs $10,000 a year.

I am blessed with prescription coverage from my employer. My life partner, Tom, does not have any such coverage. If we were married, he would have prescription coverage through my employer. As you have formed the laws, all men are not created equal.

My sister Genevieve is flat on her back in bed recovering from retinal surgery. Was it our government that provided her with the eye-saving surgery that will help restore her "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness?" No, my mother used her meager life savings to pay for Genevieve’s operation.

What is the common thread running through my family’s existence? We have a government that has turned its back on its reason for being. A government that works for the few at the expense of the many.

Is my family unique? Hardly. The Economic Policy Institute calculates that fully 31% of total stock assets are owned by the richest .5% of Americans -- 89% of stocks are owned by the richest 10%. What about the rest; the other 90% who have just 11% of the nation’s wealth? Ronald Blackwell, a union representative, puts it fairly clearly: "This is the first recovery in the postwar period in which wages are still falling in the fifth year of the recovery… what’s going on here is a redistribution of income from employees to employers, from people who work for a living to people who own. And that makes for social divisions that are going to breed political movements that compromise the environment within which businesses exist. That’s what we’re fighting now. America is coming apart at the seams, because it’s getting so much more difficult to make a living in America by hard work."

Blackwell’s statement rings particularly true as we hear more and more of the spread of organized militias which believe our government has lost its original vision.

What would help restore faith in our current government? A return to our Founding Fathers’ intent for the government: Fostering equality, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

How do we do this?

First off, in order to hear the voices of the 90% of Americans who own only 10% of its wealth, we must have true campaign finance reform. Otherwise you will continue to primarily represent the minority who have the money to get you elected.

Second, we must restore and expand our civil liberties. Too many rights have been eroded in the last decade or so in the virtuous name of "law and order." One particularly egregious example is allowing illegally obtained evidence to be used in court. And then there are those rights that have never been acknowledged. By this I specifically name the right of gay and lesbian citizens to be treated fairly and equally by our government, though I do not exclude other groups also seeking equal treatment.

Third, to promote life and liberty, we must have universal health care coverage. Without it, people such as my mother – currently confined to her home because she cannot afford a medicine – do not have true freedom. Without it, people with AIDS who cannot afford protease inhibitors have no life. The list goes on and on. The United States is the world’s richest nation, yet the only developed nation without it. Clearly our government is not working for all its people.

And last, explicit AIDS education will provide the unalienable right of Life for our children.

I appreciate your time.

From the week February 17 - 24, 1997:

• Hey! Want something different? Lately we've mainly been updating with new sites linked to us. This week we're delving into Wes' Family History archives to bring you...female mud wrestling! Yes, it's true. Wes' sister, Susan, was the 1981 Dallas, Texas' champion female mud wrestler. She won the title -- using her stage name of Amorous Amazona -- shortly after this article came out.
• We got a new housekeeper to replace the one who quit when he found out we have AIDS. This one is a gay man. We told him up-front. Not going through that again.
• We just got word Friday that we're a featured web site on AOL. We're in the Gay & Lesbian Community Forum (GLCF, which also goes by the name "onQ") in the "Home and Family" section. From there go to the brand new section "Marriage" and then to "Commited couples web links."
• Wes' visit this past week to entertain his sister Genevieve during her post-retinal-surgery recuperation period was cut short when he started getting...a new sinus infection! Yes ladies & gentlemen, Mr. Nose was not happy that Mansfield was re-doing the street in front of Genevieve's house. So Mr. Nose threw a fit. Which started to involve Wes' lungs. (Most of this happened overnight.) So Wes was outta there. He'll go back in about a week. The road should be done, and Genevieve will still be in her eight week recovery period.

From the week February 10 - 17, 1997:

• Hey, sorry we're late with this week's update! Wes' sister had eye surgery last Tuesday (February 4) and he was busy getting ready to go keep her entertained during her recuperation.
  Details of the surgery:
  For those who recall, Genevieve's vision started to suck over Christmas. (FYI, Wes just retroactively gave her a name change in all references on the site. You'll understand when you read his rant about her ex.) She went to the doctor and found out that she had a blood vessel growing through her retina. To fix it, last week she flew from Ft. Worth to a specialist in St. Louis. He detached her retina in order for the blood vessel to ease its way back out, then got rid of the blood vessel. Things went pretty well. Afterward, the doctor placed a "bubble" in her eye to hold the retina in place while things healed. (That bubble thing is pretty neat, huh?!)
• Wanna hear what's happened since "Wes & Tom's Cool Site" was in the Wednesday, January 29 USA Today?
  • Priscilla-wise, Wes didn't tell anyone to tell her about the article, so nothing on that front has changed. (To bring you up to date, Priscilla has continued to be a pill. Her youngest son got married February 2. Keeping with the flow, Wes' step-mother [who had leaned toward Priscilla's viewpoint] was invited but his father was not. It would have been a "moment" for someone to mention the article at her son's wedding.)
  • In other family news, Wes received e-mail from his former brother-in-law Fred asking that Wes also give his nephew a pseudonym on the site. The request itself was reasonable. But getting e-mail from Fred irked Wes, since Fred has been such a butt to Genevieve (his ex) and her son "Michael." Yes, it was the thing that finally pissed Wes off. Not the fact that Fred had sex with Wes when Wes was 16. (His revelation of this to Genevieve many years later is what finally prompted Genevieve to divorce him.) Not that he had an affair while married to Genevieve. Not that he made passes at Wes' other sister. Not that he didn't keep his half of the divorce agreement about back taxes. Not that he's behind in child support. Nope, just a little e-mail.
  • We did have some sad fallout from our housekeeper: We've had the same housekeeper (four hours once a week) for over 3 years -- ever since shortly after we moved into our house together. His name is Thong, a wonderful Vietnamese man who is probably in his late 50s. (Houston has a large Vietnamese population -- the largest concentration outside of Vietnam.) Straight married man. Speaks little English. Extremely trustworthy. We'd found him through a friend (also gay) who had already been using him for years.

    Anyway, we had both been on full disability since before Thong started with us. We'd get up every Friday when he'd arrive and start our day. Wes' day often started with sorting pills, dumping 40 or so onto a napkin and culling out which ones to take with breakfast. (This is about 20 pills, since he takes all his once-a-day pills in the morning). Frequently, Wes would go upstairs and go back to bed to get more rest. Occasionally he'd have a doctor's appointment to go to.

    When Wes gave Thong the USA Today article last Friday, he was excited for us and took it home to read.

    Thong called Wednesday and asked if he could come by and talk. We figured he wanted to ask for a raise, since he hadn't asked for one since he started working for us. But that wasn't it at all: Turns out that when he read the article it was the first he realized our HIV status. And he was scared.

    [Now as a side note, both of us are very conscious of our responsibility and would never put someone in a situation where they could possibly be at risk of exposure from us. (We won't let people draw our blood without gloves, we make sure the dentist & dental hygienist are wearing their face masks when they're going to work in our mouths, etc.) But generally the only time we bring up our HIV status is if someone asks "What do you do?" We didn't mention it to Thong as there was no risk to him. (The only thing remotely hazardous around here is our used needles from our B12 injections, and we use a sharps container for those.) We suspect we also wanted Thong to get to know us, and vice versa. Over time, we both figured that Thong knew that we were both HIV+.]

    No, ever since he read the article last Friday night, he said he's been afraid that he has AIDS. (In retrospect, it's important to remember that Thong lives in a Vietnamese-speaking household and must be pretty isolated from AIDS information.) We sat at the table so sad and shocked. We assured him he couldn't get it from us. Then we explained that the only way to get HIV is from someone's blood, sexual fluids, or a shared needle. He had no risk from us. (We also offered to pay for one of those anonymous HIV tests that they sell in Texas pharmacies if that would help him put his mind at ease.) He said he understood -- but that he was afraid anyway. Then, in his always-polite demeanor, he said "I need to ask not to work for you any more." After a brief pause, he shook our hands and was off.

    Wes was crushed. We went upstairs to smoke and Wes just cried. All of a sudden, we frightened someone who has known us for years -- so much so that he didn't want to be around us anymore.

    So sad.

    It really helped going to an HIV+ AA meeting Friday the 7th. Wes brought up "fear" as a topic and explained what had happend with Thong. People reminded us how spooky it was the first time a friend said they had AIDS. How though we loved the person we were really scared. Afraid to drink out of their glasses and stuff. And that though we (as a group of gay men) generally went through that process years ago, Tom and I were probably Thong's very first. And that next time Thong meets someone HIV+ it may be a little easier, as things get easier with experience.

  • We got lots of nice feedback and notes. (Thanks!)
• Wes' January 28th bloodwork was fine -- normal electrolytes and blood sugar levels. That meant it appears that Crixivan's dosing is indeed the cause of his fatigue, so he was cleared to start Viramune (nevirapine) on Tuesday February 4. (Note: We've had friends who've gotten a lot of energy after starting Crixivan. Wes was not one of them, however. Instead, though his bloodwork improved, the dosing regimin wore him out.) Similarly, Tom went on Viramune the week before. (We wanted to make a change since Tom's viral load -- while low -- was still detectible.)
• Caitlin Phillips' Home Page! is a cool addition to our Links to Us area. Caitlin is 17 and has "what you would call a non-traditional family. I live with my Dad, his partner Rich, and my two younger brothers Logan (15) and Brennan (13)... We have all lived together since 1983. That was when my mom died, and my dad moved us all from Chicago to San Francisco. About 2 months after we got to S.F., my dad met Rich, and they fell in love and we all moved in together. Of course, I don't remember any of this, I was only 3, and my brothers were babies (g)."
• GLAAD (the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) mentioned USA Today's coverage in a media roundup. (Wes really likes GLAAD. They stay on the ball for homophobic references in the media -- and for positive references as well. Neat group.)
• We hit 7,707 unique visitors as of February 10. (This is still a pretty amazing rate, boosted by the mention in USA Today. February 1 it was just 6,876.)

From the week February 1 - 8, 1997:

• The BIG news was "Wes & Tom's Cool Site" was in the Wednesday, January 29 USA Today. What can we say? We're thrilled! To top it off, it was a sunny day and squirrels were playing in the grass outside. It just doesn't get any better than this!
• Wes had a doctor appointment January 28th where he discussed changing medications with his doctor. (He's exhausted, seemingly by the demanding dosing schedule required by his protease inhibitor, Crixivan^tm. She is agreeing to the changes if tests of his electrolytes and blood sugar levels don't turn up a potential different source of the fatigue.)
• We added a new guestbook to our Guestbook! page on the 26th. (LPage was down all of the previous weekend, and we were frustrated with it being so unreliable.)
• We changed our preferred e-mail address from
  "TopDadTX@aol.com"
  to
  "______@westom.com"
  (We still have the AOL account, we just like Netscape's "Address Book" feature better than AOL's.)
• We have two new additions in our Links to Us section:
  1. Rainbow Resources has a whole lot of areas: lifestyle, politics, AIDS, campus life, news and publications, travel, (Usenet) newsgroups, lesbian links, travel, businesses -- plus "the ManPics Directory." Hmm.
  2. Boys-2-Men Central Gay Directory has a lot of AIDS resource links, a "community speaks" (chat) area, and a "marketplace" section with rentals (primarily SFO) & personals. (Isn't this weird: The site above has "ManPics" but this site has two pages of legaleze. Go figure.)
• We hit 6,876 unique visitors as of February 1. (Pretty amazing. Normally 100-200 different people drop by in a week. This week, with the mention in USA Today, we had about 900.)

From the week January 25 - February 1, 1997:

• Hot off the presses! Yes, it's Wes' January 15 bloodwork results. Check 'em out on our T-counts and viral loads pages.
• Wes' mom came to visit for three days. She sent Tom flowers afterward for being such a wonderful host. (He made some very yummy dinners, for example.)
• We hit 5,948 unique visitors as of January 24.

From the week January 19 - 26, 1997:

• Here's the update on last week's health news:
  1. Wes' hair pain (it would more precisely be described as "scalp-hypersensitivity" -- but "hair pain" captures the essence better) shifted from the right side to the left. That meant that it wasn't shingles after all. Then it shifted to the top-back of his neck. Welcome to our mystery!
  2. Tom's bronchitis cleared up, but then we realized he also had a sinus infection. It is now better, but not yet well.
  3. Wes' sister Genevieve now has her pull-the-blood-vessel-back eye surgery scheduled for the 4thof February. She will be recuperating for eight weeks afterward, and has asked Wes to come keep her amused.
• We have four additions to our Links to Us page this week:
  1. Ali's Place is run by a 15-year old Texan girl who is brave enough to put her own poetry on her site.
  2. Binet Atlanta Home Page is the site for an Atlanta-area "social/political support group of bisexuals and bi-friendly individuals who promote a diverse set of alternative lifestyles."
  3. The Rad Zone is a just-begun (1/97) Aussie site run by the live-in nurse/caretaker of a man with AIDS.
  4. one Misfit's home page is run by an HIV+ artist who works on both a comic book and a novel in his spare time. (Don't be scared by his Charles Manson-ish self drawings: He says it's very difficult to draw himself smiling because it's hard to hold a smile very long.) One of the main features is years and years of journals. (FYI, Misfit is the person who referred Shawn Decker to my site.) Also, check out his Invitation to a Celebration page.
• Our go-through-all-our-boxes-and-toss-stuff project is nearly complete. Whew!
• We hit 5,790 unique visitors as of January 19. And 40 links. (We're pretty amazed, in a fun way!)

From the week January 11 - 18, 1997:

• We won another award! This one is from Furball The Great: Content is King. "To be selected as a winner and receive one of the coveted Furball badges of honor, a site has to be '...exceptional in content and promote a just and sustainable planet.'" The Letter Wars is in the "GLBT Issues" section on Furball's Awards page.
  
• We have several additions to our Links to Us page this week:
  1. nightcrawler's home is a visually striking site based in Sweden. Mike Kazarnowicz, the Webmaster, has also started the Youth Ring for sites run by people up to age 25.
  2. Gay -KC.com includes a small-but-growing list of U.S.-based Web sites, a chat feature and personals ads, and a weekly magazine for the Kansas City area.
  3. PlanetOut is a well-funded (through venture capital, no less) site aimed at the gay market. Chat, politics, reference, people, shopping -- it's here.
• It has been a busy week for health things:
  • Tom came down with bronchitis the 8th.
  • Wes' hair hurt. Yes, you read right. His hair. The wind would blow through it and -- ouch! Turns out he had a case of shingles coming on. (Oh poor baby!) Aggressive Zovirax/acyclovir seems to be clearing it up.
  • But hair hurting wasn't the weirdest health thing. No, the award for "Oooh, That's Really Weird" goes to Wes' sister Genevieve. What could it be? you may wonder. She started going blind in her left eye Friday the 3rd. Apparently, it's a long-delayed result of having had fungal pneumonia (most pneumonia is bacterial) 15 years or so ago: The fungal spores (which travel through the entire body) left some tiny holes in her retina. (We never knew this until she saw the doctor about her vision Monday the 6th>) A blood vessel had started to grow through one of the spore holes, causing the vision blockage. There are two options for her: The best is to have the blood vessel pulled back through the hole in the retina and hope it doesn't grow back through. The second best is to close the holes with a laser. (That way is not as preferable because it damages the blood vessels in the process and definitely results in some loss of vision.) We opted for the surgery most likely to retain her vision. But, we can't yet schedule her pull-the-blood-vessel-back surgery yet, as the blood vessel itself is too tiny. Yes, if the surgery were attempted today, the thin blood vessel might break off and cause a severe "floater." Nope, gotta wait until it's bigger. She has a followup appointment Friday the 24th to see if surgery can be scheduled.
• Wait! There's more! What more could those boys possibly be up to? Well, what would you do if you were sick at home? Yes, Wes and Tom started going through their old files and tossing most stuff over 6 years old. (That's how long Money magazine recommends keeping many records.) But, since we've had a friend who had his credit identity stolen (which was a major hassle for him to straighten out), we're doing it the safe way: We're shredding anything with an account number on it. Pretty cool, huh?!
• We hit 5,700 unique visitors as of January 16.

From the week January 4, 1997 - January 11, 1997:

• As reported late 12/31, Tom's mom did not have to have heart surgery after all. And we're happy for that. (She is 75 and rather frail, after all.) The interesting thing to come out of the expected surgery was this: A couple of days before the surgery, Tom's mother called. (They've been speaking daily since the surgery was announced.) She asked to speak to Wes. During that call, she thanked Wes for looking after Tom. : ) She also asked Wes to drive with Tom because "he's been under a lot of pressure" with her health problems. That was fine.

  Plans changed the day before the surgery. She told Tom that she loves Wes, but said "we live in a small town." Would he mind asking Wes to not come up with him -- since there would be people who don't know she has a gay son? Poor Tom was mortified: How would Wes take this, the year after his close family went to great lengths to keep Tom included in a larger family gathering? He was also angry at the unequal treatment given to their relationship compared to any others. Why was his wonderful "husband" not invited when his sister's sometimes-jerky husband was automatically included? It wasn't fair. His mother wasn't happy either, being very concerned her altered request would hurt Wes' feelings.

  Wes thought "Mom's" decision made lots of sense. Given the amount of crap generated by some people's reaction to Tom at Wes' family reunion, Wes understood. He called Tom's mother back so she would know first-hand how he felt. "I know how people talk. I've been to small towns. It doesn't hurt my feelings at all if you want to avoid that added burden when you're already having the stress of a major operation. I understand." She was very relieved.

• As promised last week, we moved the awards to their own Awards page so that the main page would load faster.

From the week December 28, 1996 - January 4, 1997:

• We both went to visit our respective families, spread out across Texas (600+ miles of driving, each), for Christmas. At his home, Tom learned that his mother -- who was pretty sick starting about two months ago (and that sickness lasted a long month) -- needs open heart surgery. Her need worsened while he was there. So, on 12/26 things got scheduled: She's having a heart catheterization on Monday 12/30. Depending on the results, she'll have the surgery to replace her left ventricular valve the next day, on New Year's Eve.
  Update 12/31: The heart catheterization showed that the earlier echocardiogram was incorrect -- she does not need surgery. We're happy.
• We got a new award! It's Beverly's Gold Seal Award for "people who spend hours and hours every week making a homepage that people will really enjoying visiting."
• We've added a new page called How much does all this cost? It's a recap of Wes' medication and doctor costs, compiled at the request of our friend Katrina.
• Tom was very intrepid for our cat, China, who was going to be alone almost a week while we were gone: We had a cold snap coming, so he put a kitty door on the garage. And set her blankies in there. Plus put a heating pad under them. And set night lights near her food and her new door so she could see her way around. Then he put the heating pad and the night lights on a timer. She's a very loved girl!
• Our cyber-bud Shawn Decker is the cover man for the December/January Poz magazine. And he looks quite dashing if I do say so myself. (And I just did!)
• The results of Wes' CT scan of his sinusses showed his infection was almost all gone.
• We have two cool additions on our Links to Us page for this update:
  
  • Kim's Marrow Links and Other Fun Stuff. Kim and Wes have been cyberpals for a month or so -- she's really fun! Her site is not only pretty (and fun -- check out the kids and Disney links), but also encourages bone marrow transplants for cancer/leukemia recovery. While you're there, you must check out her link to her friend Mike's Marrow Donor Story. (He donated oodles of bone marrow and describes it in detail -- including the incredibly fulfilling feeling he got.)
  • Gay Place © Online Magazine "the first online magazine for the International Gay and Lesbian community" is a slick site. "Our goal is a quarterly publication beginning with a January issue. News updates will be weekly."
• We've deleted the "Couples on the Net" section on our Gay Links page. When we originally put it there, we thought it was cute. Then it occurred to us that some might infer that we somehow felt couples were better than singles. Since that's not the case -- and since Berkeley's list of people out on the 'Net is so much more comprehensive -- we removed it.
• We also moved most sites that have linked to us solely to the Links to Us page to minimize redundancy.
• FYI, next week we'll be moving all the awards to a separate page to speed up the loading of this page for people with slow connections -- which is anybody on a busy Internet traffic night!

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